Breaking My Silence on 'Who TF Did I Marry?'
the truth about 'the truth'
“He can quote the Bible like no one’s business… but so can Lucifer.” - Reesa Teesa on her ex-husband.
Women have been talking. On the internet, the personal essay, or something like it, has been resurrected. From a financial columnist willingly admitting to being a dumbass ‘scammed’ into placing $50,000 of savings into a shoebox for the CIA to pick up (hint: they weren’t the CIA) to a writer’s damning account of her psychotic unraveling in reaction to her husband’s literary success, the overshares have been abundant.
With my algorithm on every platform attuned to mess, I indulged happily. Despite this, nothing could have prepared me for the 50-part (yes, you read that right: fiddy parts!) TikTok series: Who TF Did I Marry? In an engrossing retelling, Reesa Teesa steps the viewer through a chimeric odyssey encapsulating her quest for love, then truth, and finally peace.
Beginning in March 2020, weeks before COVID-19 lockdowns, Teesa situates us on a first date as she drives to a Cheesecake Factory to meet the man who would become her boyfriend-then-husband-then-ex-husband. In an act of foreshadowing that could only have been concocted by the same gods who govern the screenwriting talents of Martin Scorsese and Tyler Perry, her tire blows and her prince charming picks her up and fixes her tire, allowing the date to proceed as planned. Hot, right? As it happens, the two get along swimmingly and, with quarantine imminently approaching, the couple makes the rash decision to move into Teesa’s house after two weeks of meeting. Think this is fast? Just wait.
By April, Reesa Teesa is pregnant.
By May, they are shopping for new houses and a car.
By June, the baby is gone.
We’ve all seen couples, or perhaps we’ve been that couple, that have moved at lightning speed, ignoring the red flags, and withholding information from loved ones to avoid ridicule and the faithful ‘I told you so’ if and when it doesn’t work out. Despite Teesa’s misfortune, her communion continues to advance through traditional relationship milestones with agility.
With each TikTok, Teesa claws at specific intricacies by deploying quips like “remember that detail, that will come back up again later.” Commenters reported following along with notes. Not because Teesa is unorganized – it’s quite the opposite. Instead, Teesa’s narrative invites viewers to try to piece together the evidence on their own. To see if they are smart enough to catch what she has missed.
Ten-minute clip after ten-minute clip, Teesa catapults us through months of deception and her all-too-slow realization that she has become entangled with someone she doesn’t know at all, someone who is a pathological liar. Fabricated family trees, phone calls, and bank accounts all have their own dedicated episodes. We are introduced to a suite of side characters from realtors to ex-wives, and priests, all of whom play a critical role in undoing the gaslighting she has become subject to by her partner.
But Reesa Teesa is not naive nor is she an idiot. From the first few videos of the series, the viewer is immediately aware that they are in the hands of a reliable, studied narrator. She comes off as incredibly smart, logical, and measured. Her logic positions her in opposition to the ‘typical’ type of person who would fall victim to this kind of fuckery. This is what makes the viewing experience so addictive. We are witnessing a master con meet his match, and slowly but surely, Teesa beats him at his own game.
Equipped with evidence, she brings receipts, proof, timelines, screenshots to colour her storytelling. She refers to audio diaries she kept during the time of the relationship to document specific facts and questions. This immediately lept out to me, her precocious fact-gathering and preoccupation with showing receipts. She didn’t need to convince her audience that she was telling the truth. She had us in the palm of her hand, salivating for her next post, rooting for her as we barrelled through all 50 videos.
Soon, I realized that she wasn’t interested in convincing us. It seemed as though she needed to convince herself. Reaffirm what truly happened. That the version of events she uncovered was accurate despite the falsities she had been fed throughout her relationship. Here was a woman whose concept of the truth had been shattered and, from now on, would only believe in what she could personally verify.
A woman fooled can no longer rely on faith.
In less than a week, her TikTok account garnered over a million followers. Social media trend forecasters stormed to analyze how someone could go viral on a platform known for short-form content by posting ten-minute videos. Next came the brands offering to give her free trips and whips to make up for the empty promises of her ex-husband and turn their ‘goodwill’ into content. Now, as it is with this essay, you will witness an influx of writers re-telling her story.
But in the end, the only version of events that matters is hers. There’s a wave of elation that is palpable in the final video of the series. You can sense that Teesa has exorcised something by finally, four years later, telling her story. By talking. “I hope there is a woman out there watching and she’s saying: now is the time for me to start asking questions,” she says.
At the end of Anatomy of A Fall, another story where a woman advocates for her version of events, there is a scene where a key witness is told that at some point you need to decide your own version of the truth. The reality that you can live with. It is through this belief that the truth becomes an active decision rather than a passive absolute. You decide what actually happened and the version of events that best affirms you. More often than not, the two aren’t perfect mirrors of each other. But maybe that’s okay. There’s a reason why it’s called a ‘personal’ essay, anyway.
By the retelling of that truth – of your truth, more specifically – whether it be 50 times over in a TikTok series or through a viral essay in The Cut, you cement it in reality. For some, this is the only way forward.
For fun, here is who I would enlist in the inevitable adaptation of Who TF Did I Marry?
Reesa Teesa – Octavia Spencer, Who TF Did I Marry lowkey could be the Ma origin story
Legion – Forrest Whitacker, a comeback role for him
Reesa Teesa’s friend who picks her up from the hospital – Melanie Lynskey, the perfect mix of endearing but stern as seen on Yellowjackets
The Ex-Wife – Maya Rudolph, I’d love to see her do something more serious and, as this role is largely over the phone, why not tap one of the best voice actors in the game?
The Realtor, Scott – Adam Scott, I think it could be comedic relief to drop an out-of-place white guy in the middle of this and Scott is such a smart actor, he’d nail the performance with such precision
The Realtor, Amber – Danielle Brooks, I like the idea of casting a real estate agent who is younger than Reesa and would look out for her like she’s her own mom
Reesa Teesa’s Mom – Alfre Woodard, can we just give her her Oscar already?
Director: Janicza Bravo, the talented director who did the Zola adaptation
Writer: Shonda Rhimes, I mean, who else?
That’s all fro me. Who would you cast? 🌹
Brendon
